The absence of choice is a frightening thing to feel. Trapped. Held down. Forced to do something you don’t want to do. It’s the opposite of freedom. Inherently we all know this. So it constantly astounds me when I hear, “I had no choice”. Or when I think to myself, “I’m doing it because I HAVE to, not because I WANT to”. Because we always have a choice. Always. Even in the depths of unjust imprisonment, Nelson Mandela had plenty of choice. Many had consequences that would have been unacceptable to him, but he still had the choice. And knowing that he was willingly choosing to be in his situation unlocked a world of creativity and transformation.
“Difficulties break some men but make others. No axe is sharp enough to cut the soul of a sinner who keeps on trying, one armed with the hope that he will rise even in the end.”
– Nelson Mandela
But there are many situations in our workplaces where we feel we don’t have choice. Or divisively, that we have only two choices. That only two options exist. And it’s most destructive when those choices line us up against our fellow leaders – It’s either my way, or theirs. Because then we entrench deeper and deeper into our way, believing it is superior and therefore worth fighting for. So do our peers. It feels like an impasse.
Pull Choice From The Subconscious
The reason we only feel like we have the two choices is because we subconsciously make judgments about all the other choices immediately available to us, and determine the consequences of those choices are not acceptable. In many ways, this is what enables us to function without experiencing choice paralysis in our everyday lives. It’s a survival of the fittest advantage. It’s also very limiting – especially in an impasse.
Everyone who’s been a part of a great ideation session before has experienced the moment where the brilliant idea comes from the idea that initially seemed laughable. It’s the same with our choices. Getting the bad ones out into the light allows us to explore them and springboard from them into what’s not obvious. As we explored in the first step (perspective), intentionally opening up your perspective is necessary. Once you do, you’ll notice the choices you’ve been limiting yourself to. And you can then start pulling out from your subconscious all the other choices you’ve rejected.
Find The Third Door Together
An incredible exercise of unity happens when you can come together with the person/team with whom you are experiencing silos, and explore your choices together. Simply mapping out all the options you each see and saying, “we want to find a better way forward”, shifts you into fighting for the same thing (the best choice for BOTH of you), rather than fighting for YOUR thing.
We call this the third door. When it feels like you only have two choices – go left or right – the third door is the hidden option. The one you find together. And the path that ensures more alignment at the end of the day. It takes more work. It isn’t possible to ALWAYS find the third door. But in those moments where NOT doing so would only build more of the silo culture, the third door is the better way. Find it together.